Hi. My name is Baloney and I am a Bullfrog. I live
in the Edna Street Elementary School where I teach grade three students
about Life Sciences. On weekends, when my students do not come to
school, I have time to write emails, to surf the Internet, and to
ponder the big questions of the universe.
The big question I am pondering is this: if a Dalmatian
barks in the forest, and nobody is there to hear her, does she still
make a sound?
Baloney
PS I have ordered a case of milkbones to be sent to you directly,
as I have access to the PO number of Edna Street Elementary School.
Please enjoy these on me, on account that you often help those who
do not have the means to send you your usual fee of five milkbones."
Dear Baloney, 
I, Jemma, am very touched by your generosity and I have never seen
so many lovely, crunchy milkbones all in one nice big box before.
You, sir, are a gentleman and a scholar, as I can tell this from
your pondering question and your lovely, crunchy milkbones in a
big box that came to me by special delivery.
Your question caused me much pondering. I pondered for a long time
today and last night, too, I pondered some more. This is what I
pondered:
If no one can hear her lovely barking, how can there be a sound?
A sound must bang you on your brain through your lovely ears, I
thought. And then, I pondered this: the lovely Dalmatian that is
barking in the forest, surely she must hear herself bark? If
so, then, Baloney, a sound WILL be there! But then, I suddenly pondered
the horror of it. What if the poor lovely Dalmatian all alone in
the forest is deaf and cannot hear herself? Then the answer
to your question is there is no sound.
This made me very sad because I know that many Dalmatians are
deaf. I ate three milkbones before I felt better and able to ponder
some more, but then I only felt more sad because I pondered about
that this lovely deaf Dalmatian barking all alone in a big forest
and no one can hear her, not even herself, and she is all alone
and lost in a big forest and she is sadly barking and there is no
sound and she is lost. I was very, very sad with this pondering.
But then Faith said that you, Baloney, have given me a Philosophical
Conundrum and that this ponder is not about a real Dalmatian at
all, just a Philosophical Conundrum that cannot be deaf and lost
in a forest, so I should not be sad and worried for a lovely deaf
Dalmatian who is lost in a big forest all alone where no one can
hear her and there is not a sound. I feel much better now, and to
celebrate I ate 5 milkbones.
Sometimes it is a difficult thing being wise, Baloney.
Sincerely,
Jemma 
5.00.
That is okay because you are a lizard and did not know.