"Dear Jemma,
I have one, big, serious problem. It is with my stomach. I am always
hungry. Every minute of every day, I want to EAT, EAT, EAT. I want
to eat bones, steaks, apples, carrots, popcorn, bones, steaks, tomatoes,
cookies, treats, bones, steaks, EVERYTHING, especially bones and steaks.
I even like to eat dog food! What should I do?
A Fellow Dalmatian,
Tux
PS You are very cute."
Dear Tux, 
I know you've probably heard it all a million times: "You just
ate!" "You CAN'T be hungry again!" "What are you,
a bottomless pit?!" I, Jemma, feel your pain, Tux. It took me
a long time to realize that we do not have a problem, we have a GIFT.
It is a great gift to enjoy eating food 24 hours a day, to relish
every big, snapping, bite!
Tux, I want you to look into the mirror every morning and say, "Eat,
Enjoy, Live, Tux, Live! It is OKAY to want food every minute of every
day! I, Tux, have the gift of APPETITE!"
Will you promise me this, Tux? Now, let's both have a little snack
to celebrate your inner healing.
Sincerely,
Jemma 
|
"Dear Jemma,
I am a very happy spoiled four-year old female dalmatian.
I own one house in the city which is fenced and has a nice warm waterbed
which I share with two cats and Sarah. I also go out to the country
on weekends to the house owned by Sarah's fiancee, Phil, who always
has treats for me
and lets me chase his laser pointer light. I get a lot of attention
and affection.
The problem is Sarah is thinking about adding a
dalmatian puppy to our lives. How will I react to this newcomer and
would it be better to add a boy or a girl?
unsigned"
Dear Ms. Unsigned,
I read your letter and only had to look up one word
in the dictionary: S-H-A-R-E. What a NASTY WORD!!! I, Jemma, do NOT
SHARE! Not with CATS, and certainly not with an upstart, rude, infant
PUP! S-H-A-R-E!!! Ha! The idea! Because, that's what you'll be doing,
Ms. Unsigned. If Sarah and Phil get a puppy, you will be--you better
sit down for this one--S-H-A-R-I-N-G EVERYTHING!!! Hugs, laser pointer
light, walks, yard, bed, AND EVEN TREATS! I know that the truth hurts,
but I, Jemma, the Advice Dalmatian, am compelled to tell you the TRUTH.
It is for your own good. If you are even THINKING about S-H-A-R-I-N-G
your nice home with a new puppy, you are in need of deep therapy to
restore you to the true, healthy, Dalmatian Ego. My advice to you
is that everytime you get the insane thought to S-H-A-R-E anything
(notice that I cannot even bring myself to say the actual word, instead
I must spell it) call 1-911-DALS-RULE to get instant counseling.
Sincerely,
Jemma
PS 1-911-DALS-RULE is a toll call costing  1.95
per minute.
PPS Do not call right now, because I am going to
go have a snack.
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"Dear Jemma,
Hey, this is Emily, and I am a huge fan of Dalmatians.
I would like to have one, but I know that they bite kids. And they
are the 1st dogs that bite. So I will get one later.
-Emily B
age 11"
Dear Emily B,
I, Jemma, can tell you this: there are good dogs and
bad dogs and I am a good dog and do not want to bite anybody. I like
to bite snacks and tennis balls and my lovely breakfast and dinner
and snacks and treats and that is all.
I do not like to bite kids, but if a kid was mean to
me, I would tell that kid with my teeth not to be mean to me. And,
if someone was mean to Faith, I would tell that someone with my teeth
not to be mean to Faith.
So, sometimes good dogs will tell people with their
teeth not to be mean to them or their family. Here is a website that
can tell you more about dogs and why sometimes kids get bitten:
http://www.kidsanddogs.bravepages.com/bite.html
Sincerely,
Jemma
PS Thank you for spelling 'Dalmatians' correctly and
with a capital 'D'. You are very smart!
|
"Dear Jemma,
Sometimes I have a problem and sometimes I do not have a problem.
When I have my problem it is very bad and my family is very mad with
me. When I do not have my problem my family is very happy with me.
This is my problem: I like to jump on the table and eat meat (especially
Roast Beef, it is my favorite).
Please help me.
Signed,
Will-Jump-for-Meat"
PS I do not have this problem when there is Tofu on the table.
[Jemma: "That is not a problem .... unless
Will has trouble jumping ... then THAT is the problem-Will has trouble
jumping high enough to get the lovely Roast Beef and his family gobbles
it all up without him! Poor, poor Will, it is a TERRIBLE problem!"
Faith: "That's NOT the problem. The problem
is that Will gobbles the Roast Beef before his family does! That's
why they get mad at him. Will should not jump up on the table-you
don't jump up on the table!"
Jemma: "I COULD jump up on the table, but I
do not WISH to. If I jumped up on the table, I might spill the lovely,
slurpy gravy on the floor and that Cat would get it. But this is not
helping poor Will with his terrible, horrible problem."]
Dear Will,
You must practice and practice until you can jump high
enough to get the Roast Beef without spilling the lovely, slurpy gravy.
Do NOT jump on the table until you can do this, because if you spill
the gravy, that Cat will get it.
Sincerely,
Jemma
PS There is no sense in jumping on the table for Tofu.
There will be lots left over for you, do not worry, poor dear, hungryWill.
|
"Dear Jemma,
I am 18, live with parents and would love to add
a little dalmatian pup to our family as our dog passed away last year
and we've never been without a pet. I would just like to know some
basics about looking after a dalmatian and how to make him/her happy.
Love,
Someone also called Jemma"
Hi, Jemma!
Dals are wonderful, very intense dogs . . . they are
not a good choice if you want a "low maintenance"
mellow dog. They are like living with a 3 year old,
all the time: they demand attention, action, and
affection, but are in return incredible companions.
They do need to be the "favorite child," though . . .
Here are some links that can help you decide if a dal
is a good choice for you and your family:
http://www.canitalia.it/dalcor/dal101.htm
http://members.tripod.com/~RavenwoodDals/dalis.htm
http://www.dalmatian-dogs.com/dalmatian-dogs-info.htm
As well, here is a link that can tell you about
rescuing a Dalmatian. Our Jemma is a rescued
Dalmatian. It is a sad fact that many people think
dal pups are really cute and they buy them with the
best intentions, but then they realize that the dal
temperament is not what they really want. There are
LOTS of dals that need homes . . .
http://www.dalmatian-dogs.com/dalmatian-dogs-rescues.htm
Hope this helps!
Faith and Jemma
PS I, Jemma, have let Faith answer this letter.
PPS It is Dalmatian, NOT dalmatian! Dalmatian
is ALWAYS capitalized. Remember this, it is very important. Jemma
.
|
"Dear Jemma,
My nickname is 'Running Fool' because I must run and run and run
and run and run and run--
[Jemma: "That is an odd letter. Perhaps Running
Fool had to go outside-quickly."
Faith: "I should say so! She never even finished
the sentence or signed it!"
Jemma: "It is a very big problem she has. Poor
Running Fool must run outside to 'go' very quickly.It is a horrible,
terrible problem to have to 'go' quickly and have to run outside all
the time. Like the time I ate the Potato Salad. It was a horrible,
terrible problem."
Faith: "I remember. It WAS a horrible, terrible
problem-for the carpet."]
Dear Running Fool,
You must take Pepto-Bismol for your horrible, terrible
problem. Do not be afraid, Running Fool, drink it down! It is very
pink and tastes like the candies in the living room. It will help
you so that you do not have to run outside and 'go' so quickly over
and over again.
Sincerely,
Jemma
PS Because of your horrible, terrible problem I have
helped you. Even though you forgot my milkbones. That is okay. This
time. Because of your horrible, terrible problem that I also had when
I ate the Potato Salad.
PPS I could not help it if Faith left the door closed
and she should not have said that about the carpet. It was NOT my
fault.
|
